Weiss Kreuz: Comedy Shorts
by Katarzyna K Yue
Summary: Weiss Comedy Shorts - All the comedy moments that happen in Weiss - Aya x Ken - random insaness and silliness to ensue - PG for mild swearing and sexual content


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Weiss Comedy Shorts:  
Scene One:  
Are you afraid of scary movies?  
Author: Katarzyna K Yue  
Pairing: All AyaxKen and sometimes random   
pairings inserted to add to the insaness   
Disclaimer: I do not OWN them, they  
belong the Project WeiB and my dear Koyasu  
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A/N: Thank you so much to my friend Portia for betta-ing this for me, since my grammer and spelling is terrible ¬.¬;; Also to all those out there who read 'Memories' I will not be continuing it, I basically scrapped it, I also scrapped Game of Seduction, Gomenasai! to Yaoke-chan, but I haven't worked on it for more than 6 months. It seems I can't write fics that are mroe than one chapter, but I have a solution for that, the next fic I write, I'll write all the chapters FIRST and then release them one by one, the only way I can do it ^^;;  
Well I hope you enjoy the fic and don't think it's too horrible ::hides behind couch to wait for verdict::  
  
  
  
  
  
  
::Song - Angelo Badalamenti - The Embrace::  
  
  
"Ne...Youji-kun, remind me again why we're wasting perfectly good Internet hacking hours watching horror movies with Ken? I mean, it's not a big deal, but to be honest, they're not all that scary".  
  
"A, because Kenken conned us into it by using those puppy eyes of his against us; B, because I owed him one for that time he took over my shift when I needed to go out a date with this sexy...ah, never mind, or C, don't pretend like you're not scared of scary movies; you wet your pants playing Silent Hill."   
  
At that, Omi blushed a dark shade of red and tried to sputter a comment in his defense but was shut up when Youji stuck a lollipop in his mouth.  
  
"I heard that Youji!" Ken muttered from the kitchen, where he was trying...but failing miserably to get a box of vacuum-sealed Chinese Food open. "One, for your information, I do NOT - and I repeat do N.O.T. - know what hell you mean 'glazed over puppy face'. Two, it's your own fault for shouting 'I owe you one' when I took over your shift, and three, don't tease Omi like that!"  
  
"Alright, alright, I'll leave the chibi alone...then perhaps I can tease Omi in very...different ways," Youji commented while leaning over to Omi and nuzzling his nose to Omi hair, while poor Omi just turned an even deeper shade of red than he had before.  
  
"YOUJI! Stop that! You're going to pervert his mind! And mine for that matter."  
  
"Yeah right, you don't need your mind to be corrupted with all those late night visits Aya gives you. I doubt he's there to protect your innocence from some corrupted felon that might want to come and steal it away! Your are a trained professional assassin after all...so what is it with all those late night rendezvous...hmm?" At Youji words, a blush so deep in colour and brightness that it could light up a neon sign appeared on Ken's cheeks at Youji's words. Then, the sound of a container opening and tumbling to the floor with a loud 'thump!' could be heard coming from the kitchen.  
  
Youji went to inspect the damage he had done to the claw wielder with his bountiful everyone's sex life and immediately keeled over with laughter so great that he couldn't breath, but could still point at Ken's predicament. Ken was sprawled on the floor, an empty Chinese food container in hand and all of its sticky contents covering a good expanse of his clothing clad body. Omi, who had followed Youji to see what had happened, who also had been happily sucking on his lollipop, nearly choked on it when he saw the extremely 'Kodak camera' scene before him. Ken, who lay not amused on the ground, merely picked himself up from the now damp and sticky ground and went to clean himself off, knowing fully well he'd get Youji back later...vengeance was a dish best served cold after all.  
  
After returning to the main room after cleaning himself off and changing his clothes, Ken noticed that Aya had arrived and the only place to sit to watch the movie was right in between the redhead and Omi. He cursed the heavens for seating him next to Omi where he couldn't exact revenge on Youji, who was sitting on the other side of Omi, FAR away from where Ken was going to sit, yet at the same time, praised them for having him sit to next to Aya...or perhaps that was a bad thing.  
  
He quickly shook off his thoughts, placed the tape into the VHS player, and pressed 'play' while arranging all the food around the couch within easy midnight-munchies reach.  
  
"Ne Ken? What's this movie called?"  
  
"Children of the Damned" Ken replied, at which Youji just blinked back.  
  
Then the movie started...  
  
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Half way through the movie...  
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"What the fuck is with those kids! Their eyes are red! And they all have white hair!"  
  
"I know what you mean Youji-kun. They're creepy...can we watch something else? Please? Please??" Omi nearly screamed out when he saw one of the evil doings the children were committing, while clutching onto Youji all the while with an iron grip.  
  
"I never thought in my life that I would be as scared of little kids as I am now...I AM NEVER ...having kids." That was when Youji glanced down to the young boy snuggled up beside him with an iron grip around his waist, and when his evil mind started working in overdrive, despite his dislike of and his nervousness from the movie. "Ne, bishounen, is that a candy in your pocket or are you pleased to be hugging me?" he asked the now blushing and big eyed Omi while catching his chin up to meet his face in a more intimate contact.   
  
He was then hit with something on the back of his head by Ken who was looking rather peeved at him for disturbing the movie, which he was enjoying very much. He took the hint and shut up, yet not without sulking first.  
  
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Then end of the movie...  
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Youji and Omi: O.O;; ::paralyzed from freight::   
  
Aya:: ::trying not to look scared but not pulling it off very well:: ::twitch twitch::  
  
"WELL THAT WAS A FANTASTIC MOVIE, WASN'T IT!!! THOSE KIDS WERE SO CUTE!!!"{1} Ken shouted at the very top of his lungs and air capacity, trying to show how much he enjoyed the movie, and successfully having his eardrums burst from Youji's and Omi's screams at his sudden outburst. Tension now filled room. He was then hit with many articles of food while he tried to duck behind the TV for cover from the assault.   
  
"YOU LITTLE BASTARD. I'M SCARED STIFF AFTER WATCHING THAT DAMN SATAN'S CHILDREN MOVIE AND YOU SUDDENLY SHOUT OUT AND SCARE ME TO FUCKING KNOWS WHAT COUNTRY!" Youji yelled while Ken tried to unsuccessfully to cover his beloved eardrums, which he would need for everyday use.  
  
"WELL, I DON'T SEE OMI COMPLAINING OR SWEARING AT ME! AT LEAST HE'S A MAN, UNLIKE YOU!"   
  
Youji then pointed to Omi who had been curled up in a fetal position and twitching from the fright of Ken's loud outburst. "Now what was that about me not being a man...hmm??" Ken then shuddered, sweatdropping at Youji's evil look of vengence and swearing he saw flames emit from the tall lanky blonde. "Ken, you have ten seconds before I come after you with my wire...10....9....8.....7......6......"  
  
Ken: O.O;; ::runs for his life up the stairs::  
  
"5, AH HELL WITH IT! He's not playing fair so I won't either!" Youji then ran up the stairs after Ken, while the other two assassins snapped out of their own reactions to the 'outburst', both hearing loud thumping, evil cackles, running and Ken's scream emit from the floor above them. The door opened again and a still running Ken came darting through it, trying to escape with his life from a very angry Youji right behind him. Just when Ken thought he gotten away from the blonde, something grabbed him by the hood on his sweater, and leaving him to run in one spot while being held. Something cold, sharp and long pressed against the lanky blondes throat, successfully stopping him in his pursuit of his prey.  
  
Looking to his left, he saw Aya holding the sharp object, which, not surprisingly, was his prized katana and noticed that he was the one who had grabbed Ken by his hood. He snickered at how Ken was still running on the same spot, not bothering to open his eyes to see that Aya was holding his hood.  
  
"Now, first of all, I have three rules for you. A, never try to slice Ken, that's my job. B, you may have your vengeance later. I'm very annoyed with him as well, so I need to exact my own vengeance upon him. And C, help Omi to his room while I get this one to his for his punishment." He pointed to Ken as he said the last of his rules and pulled the katana from Youji's neck. He then quickly and swiftly threw the still running Ken over his shoulder and bound up the stairs to exact his 'revenge'.   
Youji and Omi: O.O;;; ::they then quickly look at each other::  
Youji smirked again and permitted a twinkle to appear in his eye before throwing the poor chibi over his own shoulder as Aya had done only moments ago and bounding up the stairs for his room, with a very blushing and confused Omi.  
  
"Don't worry, bis~hou~nen. Unlike Kenken, you do not need to be punished...at least in the way Aya will be punishing Kenken up there. You're too kawaii to bind, tie up, and torture all night".  
Slapping Omi on his butt, he carried the ever-sputtering chibi to his room.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"AYA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! LET GO!!" He was quickly cut off when having his mouth was bound with cloth and Aya tied him down to the bed, spreading him in all his glory.   
  
"Now, I shall exact my revenge, little kitten" {4}  
  
Noises that were definitely not moans or groans emitted from the room where Aya had entered with Ken, and where he was exacting his version of 'revenge' upon Ken.  
  
  
~Ow~ar~i~  
  
  
  
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If you want to find out what Aya's revenge upon   
Ken was, please look below to where Youji and   
I have a nice little conversation on the subject  
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{1} Let's face the facts: Ken loves kids, and Ken would most definitely know their doing bad things, but that their being misunderstood, it's not their faults that their evil little buggers and Ken would understand that.....I think ¬.¬;; (Umm... do not understand this sentence at all...)  
  
{2} Once again, let's face it, when has Aya never tried to slice Ken? I mean, the first time they met.  
Then in the Keneko no Sume, and well, after that, he never did try to slice our dear Ken up again.... but we all know why that is, don't we? ::evil hentai cackle:: XD   
  
{3} Come on now, did you really think Aya was going to pleasure Ken with sexual torture and screw his brain out after making Aya twitch from fright? I don't think so.  
  
{4} Yes, I know, terribly Schu-like, but heck, this is a spoof fic, so I can make them OCC if I want! It just makes it all the more weird and the fic more insane @_@;;  
  
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A few words....  
  
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~Fini~ For now.... ^_~  
Kashi: Well that's th...  
Youji: HEY! Don't hog the spotlight! In any case anyone is wondering: the 'revenge' Aya exacted upon our dear Kenken was very different from what you hentais would expect! ^_~  
Kashi: Are you going to tell them! Or should I? And suck out all the fun for you? ¬.¬;;  
Youji: ::grumbles:: Okay, I get the point. Well, he repeatedly hit Ken over the head with a Pringles box shouting 'Shin'e' every time, and left him there to freeze in the room until morning while displaying himself above Ken and teasing him with his body @_@;; Look what it did to the poor boy ::points to Ken::  
Ken: @.@;; Oro?  
Kashi: Bwhahahahaha, revenge is good! XD But don't get me wrong I love beloved little Kenken, but heck, I have this fetish to torture him from time to time, is it like that with everyone else or just me?  
Youji: It's you  
Kashi: Quiet you...or do you want everyone finding out what you did too poor little Omi?  
Youji: O.O;; You wouldn't...  
Kashi: I would::evil cackle:: Ok, that's all minna, thank ye for reading this insane little ficcy, and I pray you're still in your right mind after reading this pathetic attempt at writing comedy for WK -_-;; I have no idea where I got the idea for this fic...but I'm now afraid of myself.  
  
Please tell me if I should write more comedy to put as chapter two or if I should stop all together for the sake and sanity of mankind, I have no idea if I will continue these, but if you guys out there want more or ACTUALLY like it please tell me.  
{OH! now remember where I got the idea ::gives evil glare at Hallucynogenic for giving her the idea:: but of course, she only gave me the outline. I'm the one who warped it, added insanity, silliness and tried to make it a comedy. Forgive me, I was hocked up on caffeine, hardly any sleep and exasperated from trying to look for WK DJ's and eating a whole box of pocky and Japanese cheesy puffs.  
  
Night, me need sleep @_@;;  
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